Dear freshman,

You don’t know this, but just a few years ago the “powers that be” had the idea to make first year students (that’s you) take a class called “Intro to MLC.” Well, as you can see, this class is no longer required. In spite of the rest of us not having yet received an apology for having to endure those painful hours, we have decided the experience is not one you should be without. Here are a few things you have to know:

1. 7 o’clock to 7 o’clock does not mean 7 o’clock. That is to say, if you think you want supper other than salad and pink lemonade, you better be down there by 6:15 or earlier.

2. As long as we’re on the cafeteria subject, unless you’re a male who graduated from Prep in the year 2003, or wish you were one, stay out of the mini-solarium.

3. Yeah, we have ice cream all the time!!! No, that doesn’t mean you need to take full advantage. Save a scale, eat a salad.

4. Pictures of religious figures other than Martin Luther can be found in the library, around the corner, to the left, just inside the main room, or on the World Wide Web, at Yahoo images, key word: “Moses”.

5. Yes, for some reason the powers at MLC can ticket you for parking on public streets which they do not have jurisdiction over. No, we don’t know why, and yes, if you are un-registered they will look up your license plate and still manage to ticket you. So no, parking at Herman Park will probably not work for long.

6. Nobody reads the Knights Page. Just kidding.

7. Yes, we have a pond. Yes, you’ll have to pay a fine if you get caught in it. No, you are not funny, cute, or in any way original for putting anything in it, including yourself.

8. If you’re not Joel Lauber, you will lose the video contest this winter.

9. Concord isn’t fun, no matter what you say.

10. The lobby is not a date.

11. Mustaches aren’t cool anymore, not for girls or guys.

12. Make sure that cute one you’ve got your eye on isn’t next of kin, or the next generation might have an eye on the wrong spot. It’s a shrinking gene pool here, folks.

13. As long as were on the topic, Minnesota public law states that the individual must be at least a third cousin in distance or relationship to be married legally.

14. MLC only has one real school song and it’s about a kangaroo.

15. If you see Keith Hackbarth, tell him thank you.

16. Everybody knows Professor Rupnow has silly pants. Stop putting it in class videos.

17. Chicks dig moon-lit walkers. They don’t dig midnight stalkers.

18. God can see you even if the mall cam can’t.

19. No one cares that you’re from Michigan.

20. Don’t worry, it takes a long time for Prep kids to assimilate.

21. Area Lutheran Schools do exist!!!

22. $100 of your tuition may go to pay for something at LPS.

23. They let you be stupid for your year book picture.

24. The dryers never work.

25. There’s a good chance you have a nick-name and don’t even know it. (These names are based on dominant features, or likenesses you have to another person, place, or thing.)

26. Pay your tuition or the short-man commeth.

27. Watch yourself around Seth Bode. (Just kidding, he’s very friendly)

28. The mini-chocolate chip cookies are indeed the best dessert in the cafeteria.

29. New Ulm is actually ethnically diverse.

30. Smoking is hazardous to your health.

31. #29 is a complete lie.

32. Andrew Frey is NOT single.

33. Zuba pants aren’t cool!

34. The “pirate dude” looks like a Scharf, but he’s not.

35. Everywhere you go, there is a Scharf, except for the pirate dude of course.

36. Peter Iles, Summit 301, offers a standing challenge to anyone in Street Fighter 3.

37. You have the right to be a Packer fan. What you don’t have is the right to be a complete idiot.

38. Stop counting the times Professor Lange says “It’s a case where…” It’s not funny any more.

39. Sure we like basketball, but that doesn’t mean we’re good at it! Just kidding!

40. The only difference between a COS and a FRAT is location, location, location.

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