Man! Postage went up again?! That’s it, if the post office’s New Year’s resolution is to up their rates, mine is to up my e-mail usage!

Perhaps you too are caught up in the technological advancement of our day. Fax machines, computer scanning capabilities, e-mail, text messages, web forums, and personal websites may entirely eliminate the need for printed communication. Perhaps as a young grade-schooler you too fell prey to the ever-so-popular trend of chain mail. Mom even helped you write out all those tricky addresses while you licked the stamps. Yet you (and I) are still waiting for those promised sheets and sheets of stickers or scads of post cards. Perhaps your personal mailbox in the LSC has gathered so much dust recently as to sour you to the entire postal system.

Think back to the last time you received mail. I’m not referring to the random, yet frequent, advertisements littering the garbage cans and floor around the mailboxes, or to the monthly cell phone bill, or to the kindly update from Financial Services. I mean the last time someone thought of you when they read a funny card, or the last time mom sent you a package of cookies along with the socks you forgot at home, or the last time a friend from high school thought of you and took the time to ask how you’ve been recently. Didn’t your heart skip a beat when you saw that perhaps brightly colored envelope waiting patiently for you in your box? Mine did.

Although e-mail may be a convenient form of communication, you lose the personal flair and extra love sent with s-mail (snail mail). Just think of how excited Grandma would be to receive a letter from you! You’d like to keep in touch with her, but you don’t have free time until 11:00 (at night), and she’s already in bed. E-mail might be your next choice, but if your Grandma is anything like mine, she only looks at the computer when dusting it.

What’s the extra 39¢ anyway? What else can you buy with 39¢? 1 refill of your coffee at Larkspur: 50¢. Drying 1 load of laundry: 50¢ ($1.00 if it doesn’t dry the first time). Heath bar: 55¢ at a local store, 75¢ in the vending machines. Granted, a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup at the dollar store costs less than 16¢, but you have to buy a package of 8 for $1.25 to get that deal. Still, I understand money isn’t the only reason we hesitate to send s-mail.

Hesitant hearts, hesitate not:

BAD HANDWRITING? (You need a penmanship analyst to decipher your Target list.)

Solution: Try using lined stationery (such as a junior legal pad) and writing in all caps.

DON’T KNOW WHAT TO WRITE? (Writing a ten page paper on Emperor Charles V for Prof. Koelpin is a breeze, but coming up with small talk ranks right up there with being tortured on the rack.)

Solution: Intersperse pictures or stickers in the body of your letter to take up space. Send a postcard rather than a letter. Think about the recipients. What would they be interested in hearing about from your life? Common interests? Ask them questions about their lives. Include Bible passages, song lyrics, random facts or movie quotes that have caught your attention recently.

TOO CLICHÉ FOR YOUR TASTE? (Maybe sending pink and red valentines to everyone you know borders the line of conforming to the world around you.)

Solution: Rather than sending a card on a day that everyone else is sending cards (birthdays, Valentine’s Day) pick an obscure holiday such as George Washington’s birthday or April Fool’s Day for a memorable greeting.

TOO BUSY WITH HOMEWORK? (Finishing all your homework for tomorrow is your main priority.)

Solution: Combine studying and keeping in touch. Practice your grammar, vocabulary, sentence structure, and verb tenses by writing in Greek, Hebrew, Latin, German, or Spanish to a bilingual friend. *English grammar and vocabulary may also be practiced in this fashion.

BLANK ENVELOPES ARE TOO BORING. (How different is a white business envelope with black pen from a white e-mail inbox with black type?)

Solution: Colored envelopes. Write out the addresses in colored pens or thin markers. Add a Bible verse to the back of the envelope. (Who knows how many may read it?) Finish with a sticker or sealing wax. Explore your stamp options at www.usps.com: aviation, animals, Disney, historical, “Let’s Dance,” sports, sports cars, etc.

DON’T HAVE A WAY WITH WORDS? (When it comes to music, you give Mozart a run for his money, but Shakespeare leaves you in his dust.)

Solution: Buy an envelope lined with bubble wrap and send a cassette of you playing piano or guitar to a friend as a personal flair. Sketch a picture or draw a cartoon, add a post-it note with a “Hi!” and seal in an envelope. Cut out an article from a newspaper, magazine, or sports journal and send to someone who would enjoy it as much as you did.

TOO CHEAP? (Not only has postage gone up, but also you can barely afford to keep a supply of Poptarts on hand for those mornings when you and the snooze button can’t seem to get enough of each other.)

Solution: Postcards are less expensive to mail (so splurge and spring the 24¢) and even less expensive to purchase. Simply cut out the front panels of those Poptart boxes, write your message on the back, and add a stamp. (Jaymie Bergmeier suggested, Emily Mayer approved.)

TOO INCONVENIENT? (Who has the time to write a letter, let alone get down to the post office?)

Solution: Remember that writing a letter will hardly take more time than writing an e-mail. Think of the extra seconds it takes to write out your address as a labor of love. Set aside the second half of your lunch hour for correspondence, and drop off your letter on the way to your next class. The mailbox on the Lake Olsen side of the Link is picked up at 8:30 A.M. for those items that require expediency, and the letters in the “Letters” slot in the wall to the right of the receptionist’s desk are taken care of at 4 P.M. Plus, the receptionist will gladly weigh mail and tell you how much postage a heavy or large envelope requires, just like at the post office.

IT TAKES TOO LONG TO GET THERE. (It’s called “snail mail” for a reason, I’ll stick with e-mail.)

Solution: For a price ($14.40+) you can send overnight envelopes and packages. Otherwise your item should be delivered on an average of 2-3 days in the continental US. If there’s really an emergency, why risk the person not checking their e-mail? Use the phone. For all else, s-mail works just fine. Remember, this is the United States Postal Service, not the Pony Express.

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